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Exaggeratin’? Maybe, but I swear, one chick said she’d only hook up if I barked like a dog—fuckin loco, right? Told her, “I’m Tony Montana, I don’t bark, I bite!” Sex-dating’s a trip, mang—half the time you laugh, half the time you wanna shoot somebody. “This is all we need,” Eve says—nah, I need a chica who don’t catfish me with 10-year-old pics. Stay real out there, or Tony’s comin’ for ya—say hello to my little friend!

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After that little adventure, I head over to the local market on Haharina Street. I need to cool off. Grab some fresh veggies, maybe a snack. But nooo, the market’s packed! People everywhere, haggling like it’s the Olympics. I’m just trying to get some tomatoes, and this babushka cuts in front of me. I’m like, “Excuse me, lady! I was here first!” She just glares at me. Classic Druzhkivka moment, right?

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